Episode 33: Relationships! with Shannon O'Hara

If you deleted everything that you’ve ever learned or thought was true about relationships, what would you create?

Brendon and Shannon talk about creating a relationship that expands your whole life into greater and more magic.

Listen to gain the freedom to recognize what’s true for you and to stop distracting your entire life by having unfulfilled relationships.

On today’s podcast:

  • Relationship. Are you sure you want one?
  • A relationship with yourself
  • Are you creating your relationships?
  • Looking at what’s true for you
  • Destroy and uncreate your relationship everyday
  • A relationship without needs


Click here to download the show summary for the One Choice From Change podcast with Brendon Watt.

Relationship. Are you sure you want one?

Relationships are a huge topic. Relationships can all be different, and they’re all becoming so different with what’s going on in the world right now. 

People are spending a lot of time together. It was really easy to do relationship when you knew you only had to spend a few hours with someone, but now people are together 24 hours a day, and it’s really forcing people to look at how to make the relationship work and ask, do they actually really want it?

Brendon Watt wrote an incredible book called “Relationship. Are you sure you want one?” which is a great place to start. And you can also ask yourself, does this relationship add to my life? Does it expand my life? 

A relationship with yourself

Brendon started getting into relationships when he was young. He didn’t love himself. He didn’t even like himself, so he thought he needed a relationship. He looked for a relationship to fill in some part of his life. 

Looking back at his past relationships, it was never about expanding his life and having something more joyful in it. It was about doing it because he had decided there was something wrong with him.

You’ve got to have that relationship with yourself if you want to have a great one with someone else, which means you have to be honest with yourself with what it is you desire in your life. 

Are you creating your relationships?

How many people even recognize that they can have a great relationship? Or are they just reliving the relationship they saw their parents having or fulfilling someone else's needs or just trying to get away from the pain of their lives? 

So many people don’t look at curating and creating their relationships as though they can. Are you creating your relationships or are you at the effect of them all the time? 

What most people do is get into a relationship and check the relationship box but they’re not actually creating it, just maintaining it. Ask yourself every day, what would it take to create this relationship today? It’s like your life. It’s always in a constant state of action and moving forward so you can see what else is available with it. 

Looking at what’s true for you

Are you getting into a relationship because you don’t want to look at what’s true for you? For Brendon, he found connection with others by fulfilling their needs, and that’s how and why he started getting into relationships. It was the basis for all of his relationships. But in that, there was never the question of what was true for him. 

Looking at what’s true for you can be really uncomfortable. If you’re doing the relationship to fulfill someone else’s needs or to have your needs fulfilled, are you actually present and receiving and perceiving the person that’s there or are you always acting out this lie of need?

What invention am I using to create the needs of this person I’m choosing? And everything that is, times a gazillion, will you destroy and uncreate it? Right and Wrong, Good and Bad, POD and POC, All 9, Shorts, Boys and Beyonds. (TheClearingStatement.com)

Destroy and uncreate your relationship everyday

Another tool that allows you to have creative energy with a relationship is destroying and uncreating your relationship everyday. 

So many of us create a predictable relationship by projecting our past into the future thinking that’s the way to create the future, rather than leaving yesterday in the past and asking what you can create today. 

If you destroy and uncreate your relationship and everything it was yesterday then you’re on the creative edge of who this person is today and who you are today, so it’s a constant discovery and enthusiasm rather than a drudgery of what you’ve already decided about one another. 

A relationship without needs

So many of us create our relationships based on a limited reality rather than recognizing it can be so much greater. 

If you had no point of view that you actually needed someone in your life, then what kinds of relationships could you create with the people in your life? What would a relationship without needs look like? 

The purpose of this conversation is not to find the right relationship, the right way to be in relationship, or the answer to relationships, it’s more to give you the freedom to recognize what works for you and not distract your entire life by having unfulfilled relationships, which is pretty prevalent on planet earth. 

Relationships can actually expand our whole lives into greater and more magic, which for most people is a hope and a dream and too seldom an actualized reality. 

Having a conscious relationship that expands your life and everyone’s lives around you takes a lot of honesty with self and courage to be vulnerable. 

If you have a willingness to do what it takes, nothing can stop you.


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