Episode 23: Let’s Cut to the Chase: Relationship/Single in Quarantine

What if you didn’t have a definition of what a relationship was supposed to be?

Brendon and Simone chat with Justine McKell about creating a relationship right now (or not). 

Listen to learn how you can get out of judgement and projection and into question to create the relationship you desire. 

On today’s podcast:

  • What have you decided you need a relationship for?
  • What would you like to choose?
  • Creating a relationship during quarantine
  • The energy that you’re seeking
  • What are you not being for yourself?
  • Getting space and making it about the other person

Links:

Click here to download the show summary for the One Choice From Change podcast with Brendon Watt.

What have you decided you need a relationship for?

So many people have decided they need a relationship for something. One of the questions that Brendon and Simone ask often in their Relationship Done Different classes is: What have you decided you need a relationship for? 

Brendon and Simone wrote the book Relationship: Are you sure you want one? 

What if you started looking at: Is a relationship actually what you desire and what is it that you actually are looking for in a relationship? 

What would you like to choose?

What if you didn’t have a definition of what a relationship was supposed to be? What if it wasn’t the projection that you lived by, and what if you started to look at what it is that you would like to choose?

If you were asking for someone to show up in your life, what is it that you would like that to be like? How would you like that to show up?

What are some of the things that would be fun for you to have with a person who could contribute to you and what could you contribute to them as well? 

How many lies are people creating around what they desire in a relationship rather than being brutally honest with themselves? And everything that that is, times a godzillion, will you destroy and uncreate it? Right and Wrong, Good and Bad, POD and POC, All 9, Shorts, Boys and Beyonds. (TheClearingStatement.com)

Creating a relationship during quarantine

If you’re in a relationship right now, you will probably end up really having a look at, does that relationship work for you? 

If you’re away from your partner right now or even if you are quarantined together with your partner, what would it be like if you created your relationship to be different, and what would you create it as? 

If you can create a relationship now, you will create a relationship that is unstoppable. If you can create in times like this, you will outcreate yourselves into a different future. 

Ask: What can we create now that we haven’t even looked at before, because we were too distracted with everything we thought we should be doing that now we don’t have to do? 

The energy that you’re seeking

So often when we’re asking for a relationship, we look for the right and wrong of it. You’ve got to find the “right man” or the “right woman” who fits a particular set of ideals you’ve decided your partner needs to have. 

If you’ve decided there are certain qualities you are looking for in a partner, such as money, success, attractiveness, are those really the things you’re looking for? Or is there an energy that you’re seeking in your life that you haven’t found yet?

You already know the energy of what you’re looking for already, but you choose against it constantly. 

Most people think it has to look a certain way. But what if you weren’t looking for a specific package but instead got the energy of what you desired and let it show up in a different way? 

What are some of the questions you can ask if you want to create a relationship that truly works for you? 

What are you not being for yourself?

Once you write that list and get everything down that you want in a relationship, look at that list and ask: Are there any of these that I’m not being for myself? 

If you answered yes, and there are any of those that you’re not being for yourself, then you are needing the relationship to fulfill those for you. 

This is where relationships go wrong, and this is where people get into trouble, because if that other person doesn’t fulfill the need that you’re seeking in the relationship then you will go into resistance and reaction to them, you will go into fight against them, you will go into judgement of yourself or your partner, and run into all of these difficulties.

But if you want someone who doesn’t judge you, but you still judge yourself, and you get that awareness at the start and if you change that, then you've just created a completely different relationship before you’ve even started it. 

Getting space and making it about the other person

If you’re stuck in quarantine with your partner right now and they’re really getting on your nerves, what can you do? First, give each other some space. 

For the next 48 hours, try this and see if it makes a difference. Make everything about the other person. Don’t expect it to be about you. 

Ask them if there’s anything you can do for them. Make them a coffee or a tea. Make them breakfast. Ask them what they would like to watch on tv or Netflix. 

So often we want to make it about us when we’re upset. You probably won’t like this tool, but it really does work. It likely won’t even take long before you start seeing the difference.

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